Pregnancy Q & A – very funny!

Mon 4 Feb, 2008 at 9:51 pm 4 comments

In honour of being at the tail end of being pregnant, I’m trying to find humour in the joys of fatigue, discomfort, etc. In light of that, here is a Q & A for those who are curious about some aspects of pregnancy – enjoy!

Pregnancy Questions & Answers:
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I’m sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
A. Your therapist.

Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

Q. My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes for big noses are dominant, my baby will have a big nose as well. Is this true?
A. The odds are greater that your brother will have a fat lip.

Q. Since I became pregnant, My breasts, rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.

Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. Because you’re fatter then they are.

Q. What’s the difference between a nine-months pregnant woman and a Playboy centerfold?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him.

Q. Does labor cause hemorrhoids?
A. Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.

Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.

Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.

Q. Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
A. Yes, but it’s much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first.
Q. What happens to disposable diapers after they’re thrown away?
A. They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of global chemical warfare.

Q. What causes baby blues?
A. Tanned, hard-bodied bimbos.
Q. What is colic?
A. A reminder for new parents to use birth control.

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Entry filed under: baby stuff, thats life.

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4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. melissa  |  Mon 4 Feb, 2008 at 11:01 pm

    too funny!

    Reply
  • 2. lucashannon  |  Tue 5 Feb, 2008 at 8:24 pm

    I know I don’t fully understand the funniness of all of those, but I was laughing out loud at some of them. 🙂
    -s

    Reply
  • 3. jencairns  |  Tue 5 Feb, 2008 at 11:12 pm

    Some are funnier than others even when pregnant! (some sound a bit rude too – but I thought I’d share just the same!)

    Reply
  • 4. hemroids  |  Sat 9 May, 2009 at 9:53 pm

    try this is good

    Reply

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